How to Tell If Someone Is Lying: 10 Tells and Clues (Ranked in Ascending Order of Reliability)

Some of the things we’ve been taught are wrong; others are telltale signs. Combine them all for best results.

If you’re suspicious that someone isn’t telling the truth, can you look the person in the eyes and tell? Well, let’s try. Here are what might be three facts about lying. Can you tell which one (if any) is a lie?

The average person hears between 10 and 200 lies per day.
Strangers lie to each other three times within the first 10 minutes of meeting, on average.
College students lie to their mothers in one-fifth of all interactions.
According to Pamela Meyer, author of the book Liespotting and presenter of a TED Talk with more than 16 million views, the answer is: They’re all true. So if we’re being lied to that often, how can we do a better job of catching the prevaricators we interact with?

There are behaviors and tells that should make you wonder whether the person you’re dealing with is being truthful. Here are 10 things to look for, culled from the advice of Meyer and other experts, and presented in increasing order of reliability.

 

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1. Inconsistency
We tend to think that liars are the ones who can’t keep their stories straight, but we’ll list this so-called tell first, and thus least reliable, because there are other explanations for changing stories. It’s simply too easy, and deceptive, to rely on inconsistency as a proxy for deceit.

In fact, most truthful people, when they’re asked to retell a story several times, will remember additional details each time–which means the stories they tell will change. One theory for this is that when you think you remember a past event, you’re actually remembering the last time you remembered it.

2. Suspicious expressions
There are some tells that can suggest lack of veracity: blushing, blinking, flared nostrils, fake smiles. Notice them, remember them, pay attention. However, don’t read too much into them

Because while they may be indications, there is simply too much room for false positives to go by expressions alone. It’s really difficult even for trained, experienced interrogators to pick out a liar on the basis of facial expressions.

3. Repeating the question
Maybe they’re ensuring they heard you correctly. Or maybe they’re stalling for time, or else trying to unpack what you’ve asked, and figure out how much you know. If they’re doing this, note it, and weigh it with some of the others on the list.

4. Unnecessary superlatives
Absolutely. Tremendous. Literally. Yes, there are times when these words are appropriate, but they’re the exception to the rule. People who insist on peppering their speech with them might be trying to bolster their argument or distract you.

5. A desire to shut everything down
They don’t want to talk, or they want to move the conversation along quickly to another subject. Is that because you’re that boring a conversationalist–or perhaps they’re eager to move out of the zone of deception into a safer space?

Again, this isn’t a foolproof tell, but it’s another piece of evidence to consider as you weigh the likelihood that you’re being told something untruthful.

6. Qualifying language
People who are being honest sometimes like to remind you that people in general aren’t always honest. How? By using phrases like, “In all candor” or “If I’m being completely truthful” or “If I had to swear on a stack of Bibles … ”

Be on the lookout for these. Think of it like that old saw “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.” Here, if you have to emphasize that you’re telling the truth, you might well be lying.

7. Flourishes in the word no
As my colleague Justin Bariso points out, key tells could be when people “say no and look in a different direction,” “say no and close their eyes,” “say no after hesitating,” “say noooooooo, stretched over a long period of time,” or “say no in a singsong manner.”

Trick: Force them to say the word no to an oblique or open-ended question. “Did you file a false expense report?” as opposed to “I’m curious about the accuracy of our expense reports. Do you have any insight into that?”

8. Failing to remember details upon retelling
This seems like No. 1 above, but it’s different: It’s the case in which the person talking doesn’t add new details that contradict him- or herself, but also can’t recall what he or she previously said.

A trick (also from Bariso’s interview of former FBI counterintelligence agent LaRae Quy): Ask them to tell the story backward. It’s simply harder to keep details straight if you’re asking them to relate a madeup story in a different order than they learned it.

9. Inappropriate emotions
You’re looking here for incongruity: terrible news–but a joking attitude. Supposedly good news–but overly tempered enthusiasm.

It’s tricky in some cases–but Meyer uses the gruesome video examples of two mothers, one whose daughter was murdered, and the other who murdered her children, to show how this works. The first woman’s emotion is raw, angry, undiluted. The second woman, who is trying to hide a terrible secret, can’t pull it off–she doesn’t actually know how a victim of such a gruesome crime would act because it’s not imaginable.

10. Contempt
Consider this one a bonus–a tell that lets you know when someone holds you in contempt but attempts to continue the conversation anyway.

Contempt doesn’t mean necessarily that someone is lying, but it does mean that you should consider the conversation over. Because contempt is a combination of anger and moral superiority, it’s almost impossible to develop rapport with someone who feels that way. Meyer says there is a reliable tell:

It’s marked by one lip corner pulled up and in. It’s the only asymmetrical expression. And in the presence of contempt, whether or not deception follows — and it doesn’t always follow — look the other way, go the other direction, reconsider the deal, say, “No, thank you. I’m not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you.”
Remember, these are all potential pieces of evidence. No one of them indicates for certain that somebody is lying, and it’s also possible to get false positives. As Meyer says, “Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions, get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing, walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions, have a little dignity, [and] treat the person you’re talking to with rapport.”

Combine all that, and you’ll have a pretty good idea whether you’re being told the truth.

This article and any associated images were originally published here:
https://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-lying-10-tells-and-clues.html?cid=cp01002fastco

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11 simple ways to make your boss love you

Every manager and every workplace is different, but speaking generally, the best way to get your boss to like you is to do great work.

That said, if you’re looking to really bowl them over — and potentially even become their favorite team member — there are a few simple strategies you can use.

Business Insider looked into scientific research and expert opinion and came up with 11 tricks to help you wow the higher-ups.

Boss

Try to solve problems on your own

In his 1948 book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” Dale Carnegie includes an anecdote about Leon Shimkin, who was then a general manager at publishing house Simon and Schuster.

Shimkin told Carnegie that he’d devised a way to drastically cut meeting times: He informed his team that they couldn’t present any problems unless they’d first tried to think of a solution.

Impress your boss with your problem-solving skills (and spare everyone from hearing you drone on) and only bring dilemmas to meetings when they’ve proven absolutely unsolvable.

Always demonstrate your value to the company

Your boss doesn’t need to hear about how you want a promotion because you want a more prestigious title. If you’re asking for anything — a title bump, a raise, or more responsibility — show how it will benefit your boss, and the organization as a whole.

As counterintelligence expert Robin Dreeke previously told Business Insider, you always want to ask yourself: “How can I inspire them to want me?” Sometimes it’s not enough to do stellar work. If you want your boss to love you, you’ll have to demonstrate how you’re critical to their personal success — and the company’s.

Tweak your communication style to match theirs

Again, part of your job is to make your boss’ job easier.

As professor Michael Watkins told the Harvard Business Review, it’s on you to find out early on how your manager prefers to communicate. Is it Slack? Email? Face-to-face conversations? And how often should you check in?

Watkins also said that if there’s a mismatch between your style and your boss’ style — for example, one of you prefers to check in more often — it’s important to have an open conversation about that.

Ask for advice

You might be wary of asking your boss anything — whether it’s how they got to this point in their career or which marketing strategy they think you should go with.

But research from Harvard Business School suggests that asking for advice doesn’t make you look stupid — it can make you seem more competent, which is presumably how you want your boss to see you.

In one experiment, 170 university students worked on a series of computer tasks and were told they would be matched with a partner who would complete the same tasks. (The partner was really a computer simulation.) When they’d finished the tasks, the “partner” either said, “I hope it went well” or “I hope it went well. Do you have any advice?”

As it turns out, students who’d been asked for advice rated their “partner” more competent than those who hadn’t been asked for advice.

Remember, too: It’s better to ask for their advice than their opinion. As psychologist Robert Cialdini previously told Business Insider, asking for advice creates a partnership between you and your boss and encourages them to be more supportive of your idea.

On the other hand, when you ask for their opinion, they take a step back and become more of an objective evaluator.

Get to work early

Research from the Michael G. Foster School of Business at the University of Washington suggests that employees who get into the office early are generally perceived by their managers as more conscientious and receive higher performance ratings than employees who arrive later.

And it doesn’t matter if those who get in later stay later, too.

If you feel that you’d be more productive working from, say, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. instead of 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., consider explaining the situation to your manager and confronting their potential “morning bias” head-on.

Manage up

“Managing up” is a term for learning what your boss really cares about and making sure you deliver on that.

As Dave Kerpen, founder and CEO of software company Likable Local, previously told Business Insider, “It’s about helping your manager look great to his or her manager. And ultimately by doing that you’re going to position yourself better for success.”

Kerpen expects his team at Likeable Local to manage up to him. For example, he doesn’t care that his head of marketing shows up late almost every day — as long as she’s on time Monday morning, delivering a great report at the company-wide meeting.

Kerpen recommends either asking your boss directly what’s important to them or subtly trying to figure it out on your own.

Set stretch goals

Leadership-development consultancy Zenger/Folkman spent more than five years collecting upward of 50,000 360-degree evaluations on more than 4,000 individual employees.

According to their findings, there’s one behavior that can make employees stand out (to their boss and the rest of their coworkers): Setting stretch goals.

In other words, Zenger/Folkman execs write in The Harvard Business Review, top employees “set — and met — stretch goals that went beyond what others thought were possible.”

Interestingly, most people didn’t realize that high goals were so important, suggesting that setting stretch goals is meaningful because it’s not expected.

Pay attention to detail

If you consider yourself more of a big-picture person, you’d best start attending to the small stuff, too.

Ryan Holmes, CEO of Hootsuite, wrote in a LinkedIn post that at his company, “even what seems like a small technical glitch can end up affecting a lot of clients in a short period of time. An employee who can be trusted to catch such small errors truly begins to stand out among the crowd.”

Say ‘thanks’

Expressing gratitude for your boss’ feedback — even if it’s negative — can make them feel warmer toward you, according to a 2011 study from the University of Southern California.

In one experiment, about 200 undergrads were told that they had been assigned a partner and were supposed to review a draft of instructions the partner had written about how to assemble parts of equipment. (In reality, there was no partner and the instructions had been written by the experimenter.)

Some participants were told they were the supervisor in this relationship; others were told they were the subordinate. In addition, all participants took a pretend test of their abilities and some were told they weren’t that competent.

When the experimenter returned notes from the “partners,” some said, “I just wanted to let you know that I received your feedback on my draft.” Others said the same thing, along with, “Thank you so much! I am really grateful.”

As it turns out, participants in the supervisor position who’d been told they weren’t that competent were nicer when their partners were grateful.

When their partners weren’t grateful, the supervisors whose competence had been threatened were more likely to respond by denigrating those partners, saying they were unintelligent, incapable, and incompetent. You might say gratitude prevented the threatened supervisors from acting like jerks.

Take a vacation

According to analysis by Oxford Economics for Project: Time Off, workers who take all their vacation time are 6.5% more likely to get a promotion or a raise than those who leave over at least 11 days of paid vacation time.

Of course, that doesn’t mean taking a vacation directly causes you to get a promotion — it could be the case that better workers feel they’re more entitled to a vacation.

But as Shawn Achor, author and CEO of GoodThink, Inc., writes in The Harvard Business Review, these findings do suggest that working yourself to death doesn’t necessarily lead to success.

“The extra face time doesn’t help you,” Katie Denis, senior director of Project: Time Off, told The Boston Globe. “There’s something to this ‘refreshed thinking,’ too. Vacations allow you to be more creative.'”

It’s hard to imagine that your boss wouldn’t appreciate your increased creativity post-break.

Speak up

Don’t hide your opinions from your coworkers.

Jenna Lyons, president and executive creative director of J. Crew Group Inc., told Motto that she advises people to share their perspectives: “I find it impossible to understand where a person stands if they don’t join the conversation.”

Don’t be afraid of looking stupid, either. As Lyons said, you should “never be afraid to pitch an idea; we all have good ones, and we all have bad ones.”

This article and any associated images were originally published here:
http://uk.businessinsider.com/how-to-make-your-boss-love-you-2016-4/#speak-up-11

A self-made millionaire reveals how you can stop working in fewer than 10 years

I absolutely love the idea of early retirement. Although I wholeheartedly believe in living in the present moment, we must remember to plan for our future too – so we can continue to enjoy the ‘present moment’ beyond our working years.

I felt very inspired by an article written by Grant Sabatier who reached financial independence by the age of 30.  He wrote about five steps on how to do it:

1. START BY DOING THE SIMPLE MATH: HOW MUCH DO YOU REALLY NEED? (IT’S LIKELY GOING TO BE MORE THAN YOU THINK)

2. THE ONLY BUDGET YOU NEED: FOCUS ON MINIMIZING YOUR THREE GREATEST EXPENSES (HOUSING, TRANSPORTATION, & FOOD)

3. SIDE HUSTLE TO INVEST

4. INCREASE YOUR INVESTING RATE AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN (25%+ IS IDEAL, BUT WITH EVERY 5% YOU CAN RETIRE UP TO 10 YEARS EARLIER)

5. THEN TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME, BUT BUILD THE BEST DAILY HABITS

The steps are fully explained in the original article, which is available here:
http://millennialmoney.com/fast-track-financial-independence/

Dormant bacteria and viruses are reappearing as climate change affects permafrost

Long-dormant bacteria and viruses, trapped in ice and permafrost for centuries, are reviving as Earth’s climate warms

Throughout history, humans have existed side-by-side with bacteria and viruses. From the bubonic plague to smallpox, we have evolved to resist them, and in response they have developed new ways of infecting us.

We have had antibiotics for almost a century, ever since Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin. In response, bacteria have responded by evolving antibiotic resistance. The battle is endless: because we spend so much time with pathogens, we sometimes develop a kind of natural stalemate.

However, what would happen if we were suddenly exposed to deadly bacteria and viruses that have been absent for thousands of years, or that we have never met before?

We may be about to find out. Climate change is melting permafrost soils that have been frozen for thousands of years, and as the soils melt they are releasing ancient viruses and bacteria that, having lain dormant, are springing back to life.

In August 2016, in a remote corner of Siberian tundra called the Yamal Peninsula in the Arctic Circle, a 12-year-old boy died and at least twenty people were hospitalised after being infected by anthrax.

The theory is that, over 75 years ago, a reindeer infected with anthrax died and its frozen carcass became trapped under a layer of frozen soil, known as permafrost. There it stayed until a heatwave in the summer of 2016, when the permafrost thawed.

This exposed the reindeer corpse and released infectious anthrax into nearby water and soil, and then into the food supply. More than 2,000 reindeer grazing nearby became infected, which then led to the small number of human cases.

The fear is that this will not be an isolated case.

Read the full BBC article here:
http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20170504-there-are-diseases-hidden-in-ice-and-they-are-waking-up?ocid=fbert 

36 questions that can make two people fall in love?

I’ve seen a number of articles about the ’36 questions’ that can make two people fall in love.  I’ve even watched a Ted talk on it!  It’s an interesting idea… one of the articles mentioned that the main intention/outcome is to build intimacy, so the exercise can be practiced with friends and family as well as potential or actual lovers.

Certainly spending the time to get to really know someone does help to build trust and intimacy, and I imagine knowing the answers of these questions at an early stage of a new relationship will probably accelerate that process.

Will you give it a go?

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

These questions were taken from this article:
http://uk.businessinsider.com/asapscience-36-questions-strangers-fall-love-2017-6?utm_content=bufferc085d&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer-bi&r=US&IR=T

A ‘2-hour rule’ based on the habit that led Einstein, Darwin, and Nietzsche to brilliance

Albert Einstein was 16 years old when he first flirted with the idea of special relativity.

He was a daydreamer. The pioneering theory that lead him to establish the foundation of modern physics was actually envisioned in one of his many famous thought experiments.

He wondered, specifically, what would happen if he were to ride a moving light wave at a constant speed, say, like a surfer.

Given that they would be traveling at the same speed in such an instance, he went on to predict that the light wave would appear frozen to him.

He didn’t know it then, but that simple thought would lead to the downfall of some of the most impressive work done in physics over the past few centuries. It changed everything.

The funny thing is that stories of such brilliant insights spurring out of deep thought aren’t unique. Throughout history, luminaries ranging from Charles Darwin to Friedrich Nietzsche have attributed much of their genius to the many hours they spent lost in their mind.

Darwin had a “thinking path” that he would walk down to ruminate, and Nietzsche is said to have strolled around in nature for hours and hours on end to make sense of his ideas.

Behaviors that have been chastised today as being unproductive by a culture that mostly fetishizes measurable outputs like hours worked and reports produced seem to actually be some of the most productive. It begs an interesting question.

Is it just a coincidence? If not, what gives?

The leverage of reflective thinking
Fiona Kerr is a scientific communicator and a member of the faculty at the University of Adelaide, and she gives us insight into how and why this kind of reflective thinking works.

“Daydreaming (as with reflection) allows the mind to wander,” she explains. “The outcome is consistently more productive when dealing with complex problems or coming up with creative solutions and ideas.”

She isn’t alone in her interpretation of the research. For example, in the field of education, there has been a lot of work done on the idea of reflective thinking since the 1980s, and it’s something that is now seen as a critical component of being an effective teacher.

At their core, a healthy amount of daydreaming and reflection enable memory consolidation, and they allow non-linear connections to form, which both help our ability to break down and target issues and look at them through a new lens.

The daily mind-wandering that occurs here and there for most of us helps with this, but a deeper and more purposeful effort can yield a disproportionately greater reward.

Introducing the 2-hour rule
Once a week, usually on Thursdays, I block out a 2-hour period of my day just to think.

In the evening, I remove all possible distractions, especially electronics like my phone and my laptop, and I basically lock myself in a room to question my work and my lifestyle with a pen and a notebook.

2 hours is a long time, and some of it will feel unproductive and not all of it will be structured, but I have a few general things that I almost always start off with to set me in motion.

Here are a few questions I reflect on:

  • Am I excited to be doing what I’m doing or am I in aimless motion?
  • Are the trade-offs between work and my relationships well-balanced?
  • How can I speed up the process from where I am to where I want to go?
  • What big opportunities am I not pursuing that I potentially could?
  • What’s a small thing that will produce a disproportionate impact?
  • What could probably go wrong in the next 6 months of my life?

I can quite honestly say that this is the highest return activity in my life. It forces me to balance the short-term with the long-term. I catch problem before they become problems, and I’ve stumbled onto efficiencies and ideas that I wouldn’t have come across otherwise.

Interestingly enough, much of the value doesn’t come out of the routine questions, but from the time I have left after I run out of things to think about. It’s when I let my mind wander.

I’m not one for easy one-size-fits-all solutions, but this is an idea that I think can serve a lot of people well. We all think, of course, but not all of us do so deliberately and without distractions and guilt.

There is immense value in leaving time for that.

The takeaway
Einstein wouldn’t be Einstein without his thought experiments, just like Darwin and Nietzsche would both likely have struggled with their creativity and productivity if not for their walks.

Although that in itself is a small sample size and doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a magic bullet, the research also seems to support the benefits of reflective thinking and the odd daydream.

2 hours may seem like a long time to just think, and maybe something shorter works better for you, but leaving aside at least an hour or so is a worthy investment. It lets your mind play, and if you ask good questions, it’ll sharpen it, too. That tends to compound over time.

It can be easy to neglect something as simple and straightforward as the idea of just taking time to think as wasteful. After all, most of us are lost in our own thoughts more often than not, but there is a massive difference between a random 10 minutes of distraction and a dedicated block of rumination.

And let’s be honest, no matter how busy we think we are, most of us easily waste that on trivial things that add nothing to our lives. If the average person can spend 2 hours a day on social media, a few hours a week to organize your life isn’t a big ask. It’s a small price to pay for a consistent reward.

Who knows? You may even find it to be life-changing.

This article and any associated images were originally published here:
http://www.businessinsider.com/i-created-a-2-hour-rule-based-einsteins-habits-2017-8/?IR=T

Book recommendations: 33 books to read before you’re 30

Things to do before 30: read these 33 books

Your 20s are a time for figuring out who you are and what you want from life.

While the only way to learn is to survive the inevitable cycle of successes and failures, it is always useful to have some guidance along the way.

To help you out, we’ve selected some of our favorite books that likely never made your high-school or college reading lists.

It’s an eclectic selection that focuses on topics like understanding your identity, shaping your worldview, and laying the foundation for a fulfilling career.

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/33-books-everyone-should-read-before-turning-30-a6746496.html?cmpid=facebook-post