36 questions that can make two people fall in love?

I’ve seen a number of articles about the ’36 questions’ that can make two people fall in love.  I’ve even watched a Ted talk on it!  It’s an interesting idea… one of the articles mentioned that the main intention/outcome is to build intimacy, so the exercise can be practiced with friends and family as well as potential or actual lovers.

Certainly spending the time to get to really know someone does help to build trust and intimacy, and I imagine knowing the answers of these questions at an early stage of a new relationship will probably accelerate that process.

Will you give it a go?

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?


25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

These questions were taken from this article:


President Macron, his older wife, sexism, ageism and equality

Emmanuel Macron is the youngest ever President of France at the age of 39, and has been in the newspapers for being married to Brigitte Macron who is 24 years older than him.

Let’s take away the President part for now and just focus on the relationship.  Is it strange that a 39 year old man is married to a significantly older woman?  At first glance, I’d say yes – because it’s not something you see everyday.  But is it still strange if you take the time to digest and analyse the situation?  I’d say no.

If your concept of marriage is to marry young, have children and be together forever, then sure, this set up probably won’t work for you.  If your concept of marriage is to be with the person you love for the rest of your life, then who cares about age, gender, finances or any of the other things that are normally associated with marriage?  Two people who love each other have chosen to commit to each other, and for me, that is a perfectly acceptable basis for marriage.


Sexism and Ageism:  If the ages were the other way around, would anyone give two hoots about the relationship?  Probably not, or at least significantly less hoots.  It has become socially acceptable for men to marry significantly younger women, but not for women to marry significantly younger men.  This makes sense (biologically) if you are considering the traditional ‘having children’ set up – older man with many resources has young fertile wife to produce many children, spread his genes and raise them well thanks to his many resources.  And marriage ensures the man will stick around to help raise the children, who compared to other animal babies (like gazelles, who can run as soon as they are born) need many years of care and attention to raise.

Biologically speaking, it doesn’t make much sense for a man to marry a woman who is significantly older, particularly if she is not of a child bearing age…

But why are so many social norms based on biological-spreading-genes logic if that is not the intention of the individuals involved?  Remove the concept of marrying to breed and produce children, and it suddenly doesn’t matter who you marry, as long as you love them and want to spend your life with them.

Equality:  Right now, gay marriages probably raise fewer eyebrows than a young man-older woman marriage.  Neither of them make sense in the biological need-to-breed logic, which is what centuries of tradition has always leaned towards.  Nowadays, I don’t think the ‘need-to-breed’ should be a priority.  Mankind has come along far enough and there are enough people on this planet that we don’t need to only accept relationships that will produce children.  This also applies to straight couples who choose not to have children.  It’s not all about spreading genes to the next generation.  Sometimes, marriage is just about love.

Add back the President factor:  Many years ago, gay marriages seemed unacceptable, and now they have become socially acceptable.  Largely thanks to people making a stand for their love and challenging the social and legal norms.

I think marriages based on genuine love are great.  And I think it’s great that an international public figure is bringing this ‘different’ relationship to our attention so we have the opportunity to think it through after our initial surprise at seeing something different.

Although as a modern society we have come a long way in combating sexism, ageism, homophobia and many other prejudices, I think we still have some way to go.  It’s not always easy to identify existing prejudice, but the first step in combatting it is to be aware that it is there in the first place.